{some recent photos. see more on instagram @erykaann}
guys, blogging has been placed on the back burner since these babes arrived. i am sorry but, i am just learning i have hardly any time. my days are busy and hectic at times. i don't know how you mamas blog daily and have families. teach me your ways!!!
can i get real with you all for a little? the last few weeks i have been feeling in over my head. often sad, depressed and dealing with anxiety. i am constantly worrying myself sick about everything. i love my babies but, sometimes i feel like i can't be a good mother to them. i just feel overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with it. i pray constantly for the strength to get through my days and find ways to over come these feelings. sometimes i get angry with my heavenly father for letting me feel this way. everyone says ask for help but honestly i feel like its easier for me to do things myself during the days. when dan is home he is a HUGE help and i love him for that but, he can't be there all day to help he has to work for our little family. being a stay at home mom is something i always longed for. well, here i am living it and it's hard. sure my babes are still little and once they sleep longer than 5 hour stretches things will be easier but, for now my life is too much at times. i find myself jealous of moms who just have one baby. i am quickly reminded how blessed i am to be a mother to the twins. they really are the greatest blessings in my life. the hardest but the greatest.
there is this picture that is painted of new moms being happy 24/7 and having it all together. wearing their put together outfits, full makeup and hair done. i see it everywhere on social media. this image that has been painted isn't true for all of us. of course i am over the moon in love with my babies and i honestly love being a mother it's the best thing that has ever happened to me but yet one of the most trying things. it is SO hard caring for two babies. i don't even want to say this but sometimes i feel like i missed out on just have one baby. my life would be easier and maybe i wouldn't feel this way. even so, i can't picture my life with out henry AND campbell. they were chosen for me and sent to us to raise. i believe that with all my heart.
there are days when i don't get to shower or days when i literally stay in pjs all day. where are those photos on some social media sites? i have a few friends who are mothers who i admire for showing the real every day life through photos. the photos of the messy house, their pjs at 4pm, their un washed hair or their puked stained clothes, or the cans of diet coke they consume to survive the days. that my friends is real life.
it wasn't til this morning i realized maybe i have postpartum depression. i also happen to have a dr's appointment this afternoon for a physical. after a terrible morning of crying and feeling utterly depressed and talking with dan we decided i should bring it up with the doctor. i talked with the doctor for a little and he suggested i take medicine for a little while to help me cope with these feelings. i felt relieved and yet guilty all at the same time. guilty in the sense i need medicine to handle being a mother but, after thinking about it. i don't feel that anymore. i think this will really help me along with my heavenly father and family support. if this is what i need to help me so be it. i don't feel ashamed for having to take medicine. i wont be on it forever. it's because of this lovely lady i can be 100% open about this. thank you alexis for being open about your ppd journey.
there are days when i feel great and then i have days where i don't even know how i function. i don't know how i do it but, i do. i felt like i needed to share this for anyone else who thinks they are suffering from this. this is all new for me and i hope you can help me and love me through this new journey. if any of you have any tips or questions about postpartum please email me at erykaann88@gmail.com.
xoxox
e
xoxox
e
