a post with no pictures

since i blogged about my postpartum things are going well. i am still taking my medicine and you know what i feel great most days. i still have days where they just suck. i am learning what things help me and what things don't. 

if i ever feel down or really really low. i try to breathe and do one thing for me. which is hard when you have two 5 1/2 month olds. it is usually showering, opening a can of diet coke, putting on mascara or making the bed. any of those things honestly help me relax. 

something i have noticed since they babies have been born is i am very anxious when we go to parties or a place with lots of people who want to talk and touch the babies. when they freak out and cry at parties i get so anxious and feel like i am the only one who has crazy babies. i know that is NOT true. babies are babies. they run the show. you never know what will set them off. it's something i learning to let go. 

lately i have been feeling really depressed about my baby weight. i hate how my clothes fit me, i hate that i have rolls and i hate not feeling good about myself. i know the only way to fix this problem is to work at loosing it. i am what i call a mood eater. i eat when im sad, i eat when im happy. i just love to eat. that's not the problem it's what i eat. i am trying to make small changes but, it is so hard to find the motivation. 

please tell me i am not alone. loosing baby weight sucks. i really just need to find the motivation to get off my booty and do it. if you have any tips on how to find it please let me know! thanks!! 

so, i just wanted to update on me. this whole blog thing is something i am starting to miss. i am thinking of how i want to make a blog come back. please bare with me as i post every now and then. now the twins are easier in some ways i may have some time to devote to blogging again. 

thanks to those of you have stuck with me on this motherhood journey! :)

real life mom: postpartum depression

{some recent photos. see more on instagram @erykaann}

guys, blogging has been placed on the back burner since these babes arrived. i am sorry but, i am just learning i have hardly any time. my days are busy and hectic at times. i don't know how you mamas blog daily and have families. teach me your ways!!! 

can i get real with you all for a little? the last few weeks i have been feeling in over my head. often sad, depressed and dealing with anxiety. i am constantly worrying myself sick about everything. i love my babies but, sometimes i feel like i can't be a good mother to them. i just feel overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with it. i pray constantly for the strength to get through my days and find ways to over come these feelings. sometimes i get angry with my heavenly father for letting me feel this way. everyone says ask for help but honestly i feel like its easier for me to do things myself during the days. when dan is home he is a HUGE help and i love him for that but, he can't be there all day to help he has to work for our little family. being a stay at home mom is something i always longed for. well, here i am living it and it's hard. sure my babes are still little and once they sleep longer than 5 hour stretches things will be easier but, for now my life is too much at times. i find myself jealous of moms who just have one baby. i am quickly reminded how blessed i am to be a mother to the twins. they really are the greatest blessings in my life. the hardest but the greatest. 

there is this picture that is painted of new moms being happy 24/7 and having it all together. wearing their put together outfits, full makeup and hair done. i see it everywhere on social media. this image that has been painted isn't true for all of us. of course i am over the moon in love with my babies and i honestly love being a mother it's the best thing that has ever happened to me but yet one of the most trying things. it is SO hard caring for two babies. i don't even want to say this but sometimes i feel like i missed out on just have one baby. my life would be easier and maybe i wouldn't feel this way. even so, i can't picture my life with out henry AND campbell. they were chosen for me and sent to us to raise. i believe that with all my heart.

there are days when i don't get to shower or days when i literally stay in pjs all day. where are those photos on some social media sites? i have a few friends who are mothers who i admire for showing the real every day life through photos. the photos of the messy house, their pjs at 4pm, their un washed hair or their puked stained clothes, or the cans of diet coke they consume to survive the days. that my friends is real life.

it wasn't til this morning i realized maybe i have postpartum depression. i also happen to have a dr's appointment this afternoon for a physical. after a terrible morning of crying and feeling utterly depressed and talking with dan we decided i should bring it up with the doctor. i talked with the doctor for a little and he suggested i take medicine for a little while to help me cope with these feelings. i felt relieved and yet guilty all at the same time. guilty in the sense i need medicine to handle being a mother but, after thinking about it. i don't feel that anymore. i think this will really help me along with my heavenly father and family support. if this is what i need to help me so be it. i don't feel ashamed for having to take medicine. i wont be on it forever. it's because of this lovely lady i can be 100% open about this. thank you alexis for being open about your ppd journey. 

there are days when i feel great and then i have days where i don't even know how i function. i don't know how i do it but, i do. i felt like i needed to share this for anyone else who thinks they are suffering from this. this is all new for me and i hope you can help me and love me through this new journey. if any of you have any tips or questions about postpartum please email me at erykaann88@gmail.com. 

xoxox
e

talking about love...

i've been thinking about love lately. like, how there are many different forms of love. you can love your spouse, family, friends, an item, a place, hobby, etc. love is one of my favorite things. love is also universal. love is something we all feel in different ways. 

via

i love this quote from emma so much. so true, we all love different things and that is okay. below is a few things that i love: 

my membership in the church//i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. having the church in my life has blessed it in so many ways. i am so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel. 

daniel//i love that guy so much, it's not even funny. i am so glad we get to spend an eternity together. 

my parents//i am a child of divorced parents. it happened when i was a little so i don't really remember it any other way. both my parents are re-married and i am blessed to have 4 parents who have taught me to be the type of person i want to be. 

friends//growing up i always had more than one best friend, i have many friends. i believe in surrounding yourself with good people who help you be better. i love each and every one of my friends that i have made through out my life. i love my friends all equally. so, thank you to my friends for being the best! i love you. 

blogging//it may seem rather silly to say i love blogging. but, i do. blogging has really helped me be less shy and really open up. i have also grown a lot as a person through this blog. it has also introduced me into so many wonderful friends. {see above}

maxi skirts//okay, this is one time i truly love. i mean you can't go wrong with a maxi. 

myself//this is something that isn't always true but, is something i strive to love everyday. being happy and loving yourself is so important. especially us girls. we are always so hard on ourselves, that it's good for us to work on this every single day. 

books//i love loosing myself in a good book. there is something magical about reading. i love transforming myself into a different time, place or situation. i love reading so much. 

chapstick//i cannot live without it. faves include-burts bees and baby lips.

family//i have a large family. that happens when you have 4 parents but, i wouldn't trade it any other way. i love it. some of my best friends of my cousins from my dads side. i love families and love that we can be together forever. 

green smoothies//this is something that is a new found love. i drink one everyday {when we have groceries. haha} so yummy and healthy! 

children//children is something i have always loved. i love when a child smiles at me or when they give me a hug. i work with little children on sunday at church. it is hard but, i really do love it. it's so fun watching them learn and grow. 

see i told you can love anything. trust me i could list more but, i'd rather not make this nove....haha. some of serious and some are silly but, i love them all. so, if you were to write a list of a few things you love. what would you add? 

ready to blog about it

disclaimer: this is something i have been keeping to myself for a long time. i have have been a little scared to share this with the world. partly because this is a really personal topic between us. i ask that you just support us in this and support me in this post. this was really hard for me to click publish. thanks loves! xoxo

print via

since starting this whole insanity program, i have been thinking about how this is pretty good distraction for me. from the whole getting pregnant thing. this is something i have only really talked about to a select few family members and friends. 

i have longed for a baby for a really long time {long for me}. about a year but, we didn't really start trying until end of last year. i say that because before it was just something we weren't preventing, ya know. towards the end of last year i went to the doctor to get checked out. she said everything looks good and to come back if nothing happens in the next 6-8 months. i felt relieved. since then i have had a few "ohh is this it" moments. my monthly's have been a little weird the last 2 months. which caused me to think "ohh is this it?" but, nope.

i think i have been so focused on it for months. wanting it to happen so bad. that i kind of make myself crazy. when people ask "when are you having a baby?" i get sad but, its not their fault. they have NO idea what i am thinking or feeling. i see babies at the store i ache for my own, or i see a pregnant girl and i long to be in her shoes. 

this is something i have struggled with for a while. trying to not being "jealous" or "envious" of those ladies. then amanda posted this post on wens and i realized being envious is something we all face and go through but, it's not healthy. i know my time will come and i will love it. during this whole part of my life i have learned that when i am at my low, i am not alone. i have dan, family, friends and my loving heavenly father there to comfort me. dan has really been there for me, and we have grown together as a couple. i feel so blessed to have him in my life. i love you babes!

i have really put my trust in my heavenly father. i know that we will be blessed with the blessing of being parents someday. it's still not easy but, with this new insanity program. i am spending more time focusing on being healthy and less time on how i can get pregnant fastest or worrying if i cannot get pregnant.

with all this said, i know there are couples who have been trying for years and have really gone through struggles. i feel for them, i wish them all the best and wish them a child of their own someday. 

man, this was really hard to write. it feels so good to finally get some of my thoughts into words. if any of you have any advice for us or if you want to just pray for us. we will return the favor. 

thank you to all you readers for being so understanding and loving this little blog of ours. we love you all! 
xoxo

what having an ear infection taught me....

{here is a little story to help you understand the meaning behind this post! you are probably sick of hearing about me being sick but, trust me this is the end of it.}

you probably know that i have been super sick the last 2 weeks. see first sickness here. first i had a cold, while i was dealing with the dreadful things called cramps. then i was feeling all great and over my cold so, i thought. then it happened. my ear starting throbbing and aching. bam, ear infection. i called 4 doctors friday the 25th and nobody could fit me in. i starting sobbing because i was in so much pain. i quickly pulled it together, put my big girl pants on and said i can just tough it out. 

friday night i slept maybe 4 hours. the pain was too much, screw the big girl pants. saturday morning daniel took me to insta care and the doctor took one look {well after she had to get all the crap in my ear out..ill spare you more details} and said "yep, you have a ear infection". you can imagine my reaction. i mean, what adult gets an ear infection....

she gave me some amoxicillin. { high dosage too...2 pills 2 times a day} on sunday my father in law and daniel gave me a blessing and i knew i would be ok in time. i am so grateful for the healing power of the priesthood. so after, i realized i needed to stop feeling bad for myself and stop complaining. there are other people in this world who are worse off then me. right? 

during this whole sickness i have really learned to be grateful for all my many blessings. i have so many i really don't acknowledge daily. 

for one, hearing. this last week i have had little hearing in my right ear. so annoying and uncomfortable. the gift of hearing is something i have totally taken for granted. when i would cry because of the pain, i would also cry because, i felt bad for those who can't hear or never have. then i cried because, i was being such a baby and brat. like, i said lots of tears over here lately. being a girl is so fun!

i am finally feeling a little better, still can't hear very well but that is something that will get better in time. i have so many other things to be so grateful for: family, friends, the gift of sight, hearing, the ability to love, and the gospel in my life. to name a few!

wishing you a happy day && remember "there is always something to be thankful for"! 

oh && since i left you guys hanging forever. you can get 50% off your made with love orders from now til valentines day. use code happyvalentinesday at checkout! && select colors are on sale now. see them here. 

ps. today is my little sisters 6th birthday. happy birthday oakley, i love you so much and cannot believe you are already 6. seems like yesterday dad was telling me i had a new baby sister! love you oak! <3
xoxo

{print via}

kindness in the blogging world

i am breaking my no blogging on the weekend rule because, the last few days i have had something weighing on my mind. i know we are all guilty of judging others or thinking mean thoughts about someone. for me personally it's something i work on all the time. i try to remember not to judge others, for everyone is different. this leads me to bullying. we all have heard the ad campaigns to stop bullying in schools with kids. which i believe is a GREAT thing. it hurts my heart when i see kids being bullied. kids are not the only ones being bullied. 

i have this blog friend who has been essentially been a victim of being "bullied". actually there are handfuls of bloggers who are victims of being bullied. i'm sure you've heard of those websites where people go and say horrible things about these bloggers. i haven't been on any and don't plan on it. 

you guys, i cannot even. why do people feel the need to do these things? if you don't like someone's blog, don't read it. it is simple as that. if you don't cheese, you don't eat right? if you don't like the color pink, you don't wear it right? so when it comes to blogging if you don't like a certain blog, you don't read it right?! you shouldn't feel the need to post mean things about said bloggers. 

thinking about this just makes me sick. we are grown ups. let's act like it. how are you are suppose to be an example to the children of the world if we are guilty of bulling too. it really makes me sad when people feel the need to belittle others. so, i challenge you this week to do send a fellow blogger a note. wether it be handwritten and you mail it, or an email, a tweet, facebook message, etc. the blogging world is really a wonderful thing and it has been such a blessing in my life. i hope we can keep it that way. 

i hope you are all having a wonderful day! 

xoxo

{prints via here, here, here, and here}

getting to that happy place

The other night I was wide awake. So, I started looking through old photos on my Facebook page. 40 min later I was seriously regretting it. I quickly started feeling bad for myself. "I was so skinny back then", "I want to love me, again" or "I miss being skinner" were some of the thoughts that ran through my head. You know the usual pitty party. I hate that I do this to myself. I hate that I let this get to me. I really am trying to be better about this. 

Looking at these photos reminded me of when I was happy with my body and myself. I miss that feeling. I miss being content with my body. I keep saying to myself and outloud "I need to loose weight!" but, I haven't done anything about it. In these photos I wasn't "skinny" but I was happy with my body and the way I looked. 

Then I see friends and family who have lost weight recently and I am so happy/proud of them. Truly I am. I love seeing those I love happy. I just want to be happy with me, again. Oddly the day after I had myself a pity party The Slash Blog posted a blog post about beauty. Elise wrote a beautiful post on loving yourself. I so needed this. She even made a printable that made me cry when I read it. It was just what I needed to read. {printable here}

This by no means, cured me at all. I still feel pretty crappy at times during the day. I have a feeling this will be a constant battle I will face. Its not so much about being skinny again, but being happy with my body again. 

I know that with a little faith in my Heavenly Father, love from my loved ones and time I will be able to get to the happy place again. So, thanks to Elise and Nichelle over at the Slash Blog for posting that post. You girls are amazing! "Beauty is not just about how you look, its about who you are"..so true. 

my thoughts on future little ones

***EDIT: I am overwhelmed with the response from this post. I appreciate all your love and support. You are all so amazing. Thank you for all your sweet words. This was a hard post for me to write and I am amazed by the response. I wrote this for me. For me to finally put my thoughts in to words. All of your sweet words are just a bonus. You have made me feel oh so loved. Thank you! <3***




ok so i guess im all about the deep posts these days. here is another post about something i have been thinking about A LOT lately. 


i am sure i am not alone in noticing the amount of ladies who are preggers these days. there must be something in the water everywhere. ok, so as much as i honestly am happy for everyone who is pregnant. i can't help but be a little sad too. for the past month or two i have been so baby hungry. i am not really sure how to explain what im feeling but, i honestly feel like i am suppose/ready to be a mom. trust me i know it will be hard work, and its not all easy. so please, spare me the comments about how hard being a parent is. 


a few weeks ago we had general conference . the very first two talks were on children. no joke, it was actually pretty funny. i kept laughing and looking at dan. he kept telling me to stop. haha. anyways, as i listened to the talks all of them seemed to be about children and what we are suppose to teach them. it got me thinking about what kind of mom i want to be. which lead to think about how i want to be a mom so bad. 


we by no means trying to have a baby right now. dont get all excited. i know we have a lot we need to do in order to really be ready for this next step. with that said, i honestly believe that there is no RIGHT time for anyone to have a baby. it's not on our time it's on his time. him being God. only he really knows the right time. we can come up with all the excuses we want about why it's not the right time. when really, they are all crap. 


i love this quote from this last conference. 


"The creation of life is a great responsibility for a married couple. It is the challenge of mortality to be a worthy and responsible parent. Neither man nor woman can bear children alone. It was meant that children have two parents—both a father and a mother. No other pattern or process can replace this one." - Boyd K. Packer


with all this said, i know that it will happen for us when it's suppose to. i also know i can't be jealous or sad when i hear of someone i know who is pregnant. i need to be happy for them and understand that my time will come.  i will be a mom, someday. i will be able to love, teach, guide and cuddle my own little one someday. 


along with my desire to be a mom, comes alot of worried feelings. i worry people will judge me. worried they think i am too young or immature to be a mother to a child. i worry that people will be mean about this. i know that nobody's feelings really matter. having a child is decision that is between my hubby, God and i. nobody else's feelings matter. so, everyone who is reading this i hope you understand that and i hope that you can just support us when the time comes. 


when the time comes for us to add one more to our little family, i will embrace it with all my heart and cherish it. until then i need to remember to cherish these times i have with dan. as a young married couple i should be grateful for all the time we have together and for life we have. 


i cannot wait to have my own little. when the time is right. thank you for taking the time to read this and know i love each and everyone of you readers! xoxox

a blog post about blogging

i have been doing a lot pondering lately about blogging. it seems i am not alone there have been alot of bloggers blogging about blogging {get it?}. i am so grateful for this blog of mine, it really has been a growing experience for me.  

since the beginning of the year i have  gained a total of 55 new followers and this has blown me away. i am in no way doing this whole blogging thing to gain more followers. i am simply blogging for me. to express my creative side, and document life events. 

what i am about to say, is something that is really hard for me. i dont want people thinking i dislike such and such bloggers. i just have been really bugged by somethings lately. i recently started taking sponsors and i have loved it so far. last month i told my then sponsors i would leave their buttons up til may. well, i was doing my usual reading of their blogs and noticed some of them didn't have my button up. this seemed weird to me since they have said they would leave it up til may as well. so i decided to start taking sponsors for may now and re did all my buttons. only adding the ones i have received emails from telling me they wanted to continue the swap. really this isnt a big deal i just was so annoyed by this. in my ad swap tab i say what an ad swap is. we exchange buttons and put them on each others blogs. so idk, i guess i am just taking this the wrong way. it really isnt a big deal. so if you are interested in swapping with me for may, i am now accepting sponsors. email me at erykaann88{at}gmail{dot}com. 

another thing i wanna talk about it really really really dumb. i totally understand that there are those big name bloggers who have thousands and thousands of followers. well, i feel  like they dont care about me. i know they have alot of followers and a real life, so it is probably hard to respond to each and everyone of their followers. sometimes i feel lost in the sea of followers. 

you are probably think "eryka, they can't respond to everyone" i know i know. but, something i try to do is respond to my comments and followers. yes, i only have 155 followers so it is very easy to keep up on. i just feel like its so important to keep a "relationship" with my followers. i have actually made some really great friends from the blogging world. 

i know that if i dont like a blog i dont have to follow it. but i just have been thinking about these things lately and really wanted to get them out. 

please don't take anything i said the wrong way. i tried hard to write this in a way i didn't make anyone upset or anything. this is my blog and these are my thoughts.

okay so thats it for now. please know i love each and everyone of my followers. i am so thankful for all your love and support. you all are awesome sauce. kthankss. xoxoxo 

blogging: why i do it.

so within the last few weeks this blog has really grown and i have gathered quite the group of followers, as i have been wrapping my noggin around it all. i have been thinking about why i blog....


when i first started blogging on that christmas eve night in 2008, i had NO idea it would turn into what it has. seriously, i started this blog as a way to write my thoughts down and keep my family updated on my life. i have always been a terrible journal keeper, and i thought a blog was the perfect way for me to share what i had to say. 


the other night i was up watching teen mom 2 and was reading through older posts and i realized how much i have grown as a person. i love that this has been a place for me to share my thoughts and adventures. my life as been wonderful, sad, happy, and crazy all at the same time. when ever i am feeling down, i can read older posts and realize how much i have grown.


this blog is my outlet. this is the place where i can really be myself, i have really worked hard especially the last year or so to make this a REAL outlook on how i am. often when i read other blogs i ask myself "i wonder if this is how they really are?" or if they are just putting up a "blog front". do you ever ask your self that? anyways, i hope when people read my blog they enjoy it and really can see i am 100% real on here. of course there are some things that are very personal to me that i dont blog about but, i think i have done an ok job at trying to be as real as i can. 


i read about other bloggers who get mean emails or comments about how they are the way they are. it really makes me sad. i haven't had to experience that yet, thank goodness. but, if it ever happens i want them to know this my blog and the place where i can blog about whatever i want. if you dont like it then dont read it. simple right? 


this whole reason for this post is just me writing my feelings on blogging. yep i just blogged about blogging. haha. 


i really am so grateful for this blog and all the blessings it has brought into my life. from this blog i have grown into a strong woman, as well as made some amazing friends. even though i probably will never meet all of them in person, they really are some of the coolest friends and i hope one day to meet some of them in real life. 


i better wrap up this super long post. i just wanted to say thank you to all you who read and follow abcde. you guys are awesome! 


xoxo

{me just being the bookworm i have been lately}

sad for no reason.

the last two days i have been a weird funk. i was kinda mad at myself because i set all these new goals and i thought i was doing so good. until the other day, i just felt blah. honestly, it's no fun when i get in these moods. poor daniel, has to deal with cranky attitude. {sorry babes, i love you} i hate when i get like this. 


i know the only way for me to kick this feeling is, make the changes i need to. nobody but me can fix this. the only way for me to really be happy with myself the way i am, is to accept me for me and work on being the best me i can be. 


one thing i really want to work on this year is my self worth. i found this video of a talk from dieter f. uchtdorf. it pretty much was what i need to hear at this time in my life. 

i am promising myself right now, to REALLY work on becoming the best me i can be. i am not going to let the little things get me down. i want this so bad, i want to finally be happy with myself the way i am. i know i can do this. i also understand it wont be easy at all, but i need to stick to it and work hard! i can do this! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! 


i know you probably feel like i write alot of these posts about my struggle with being happy with me, but this is basically my journal since i am so bad at keeping a handwritten one. this is my way of getting everything out in words. something about writing it all out, that really can help a girl work through her issues. ya know?! 


thank you for listening//reading my thoughts. i have been thinking a lot about this blog, and i really want this to be REAL representation of me and my life. so, yeah this is the real me. im far from being perfect! 


{if you are a new reader, please leave a comment with your email or blog link. i love making new blog friends. so dont be shy!}

what im thinking//saturday sayings

...love.


it's probably the fact my cousin annie just recently had her missionary return home from his mission, that has me thinking about the power of love. but, i have so many thoughts about it i have to write them down. 

the whole day of their reunion, i was so happy and excited for them. i know how in love they are and i was just so excited for them to be together again. the whole day i kept thinking about love, and how lucky we are to have such a thing in our lives. 

wether it be love to a spouse, boyfriend, parent, sibling, child, pet, family member, or your heavenly father. love is a wonderful thing. i am so grateful the power of that four letter word. 

when i think of the word LOVE i get goosebumps all over my body and tears in my eyes. i love, love. i love the feeling of having someone who loves you, with all their heart. someone who will always be their for you no matter what. i feel very blessed to have an amazing group of people surrounding me who i know love me. 

isn't it wonderful to know, you have someone you loves you. no matter what stage you are in your life?! trust me, its true. even if you think you don't have someone you do. it's your heavenly father. he loves you for who you are. pretty powerful huh?! i love my heavenly father with all my heart, and i know he loves me even though i am not perfect. let's face it nobody is. right? 


the next powerful love i think is, the love between husband and wife. when i think about the love dan and i have, i literally start to cry with tears of happiness. i feel so lucky to have found someone so loving, and caring as he is who loves me for me. i am so grateful for him and our eternal love. i get a sense of peace to know i will be with dan literally forever. how awesome, to have the love of your life with you for an eternity. 

ok, ok i know what a sappy post about love. but, like i said i have been thinking about it a lot and felt like i needed to share these thoughts with you. why, i dont know. i was inspired i guess. 


who do you love with all your heart?!  

xoxo

e

all images via pinterest

happy saturday blog friends. have any sayings you love? please share. send me an email: erykaann88{at}gmail{dot}com :)

just love me through it.

so it's currently 12:46am on wednesday. daniel is fast asleep and im wide awake with a case of "i cant sleep....too much on my mind". ever since my "breakdown" a few weeks ago i've been trying to be an overall happier person. trying to be more positive, looking on the brighter side of things and not being so hard on myself. 


but, let me tell you sometimes it's harder than it looks. i hate when i get in my moods where i feel "depressed" and crappy. it's hard for me to put in words what i feel sometimes, not just here on the blog, but to daniel too. 


this last weekend, i mentioned i attend the RS broadcast with my mother-in-law, and it was so wonderful. president uchtdorf's talk really hit home. you can watch the whole talk here. {like for reals go listen to it, it will change your life! i swear}

As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and very insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.  

Years later, I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now I was never forgotten.

And I know something else. As an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart and soul—neither are you!

You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love.

that quote from his talk brought a sense of peace over me, i am not forgotten even though i may feel it. i can easily feel alone or forgotten on a daily basis. after hearing this, i was reminded i am not forgotten, i have a heavenly father who loves me and wants me to understand my worth. 

im not going to really grasp this, until i put forth more effort to really learn from this. i cant just expect it to come to me without any work right? {duh, eryka} i have been doing some serious thinking and i have come up with things i can do to help me better understand. i know i really want to make this change in my life, so i am going to try my hardest to stick to the things i have come up with. {they are kinda personal so im not gonna share} 

i feel so blessed to have made some awesome friends through the blogging world, and i just ask for your love and support. please dont judge me, for being so open with my issues. just love me through it, {because we all know we have issues weather we can admit then or not right?, yes i am} that is all i ask to anyone who is reading. just love me through it. kthanksss loves!

have a wonderful hump day friends. xoxo

sometimes...

...you can't sleep.
...looking at old pictures makes you miss people {cough cough jen}
...you cannot believe youve been married over 2 months. 
...you fall head over heels in love with your husband everyday. 
...the craft bug bites you. {yes it has again, stay tuned for some crafty posts}
...prison break takes over your life. {lucky, hubby i am done with the series now} ha
...you want to take a weekend trip somewhere. {any suggestions, somewhere close to salt lake}
...you get a serious baby craving and write down all your fav baby names, so you dont forget. {currently my top two favs, girls: hadley or hadlee, and paige. boys: tyler, and hayden}
...then you realize its too soon for a little baby of your own. 
...but, you still cant wait to be a mother {someday. <3}
...your husband tells you are beautiful when you look a mess. 
...you have a legos sitting in your living room, because your hubby plays with them {i love you daniel!}
...you feel really creative, and want to start painting again!




xoxoxo.

deep thoughts, a dream and star wars.

so i havent written a "deep" post in awhile, and i thought i would write somethings i've been thinking about out. {for me personally}.


lately ive been thinking about "being happy". you can have alot of things in your life that can make you happy but as long as you arent happy with yourself the other things really dont do much in making you happy. at least thats how i feel. 


last night i had this dream, i was back in high school. {yuck i know}. well in this dream i was reminded of what it is like to be in high school. kids, are mean. yes straight up mean. in this dream i was bullied. {it was horrible} i was never really bullied in real life school, but saw it many times. this dream got me thinking of what i struggled with the most: i think the biggest struggle i faced in high school was being ok with my personal looks. i always felt like i was the "ugly duckling". this is something i probably will always struggle with. worrying about not being skinny enough, or my nose is too big, or my love food {dang you food for always tasting so good!} you know, stupid body issues. maybe someday i will be 100% happy with my body. {sigh} 


why is it that girls always struggle with body issues. i know several girls personal friends, and blog friends who struggle with this same issue. i know people might be reading this and thinking "is this girl crazy? why would she feel like that" or you might be thinking "i hear ya girl". which ever the case. i know this was a pretty deep post, but i think of this a my personal journal so there. 


....on a happier note today is quote un quote star wars day. "may the fourth be with you". in honor of that the hubby and i are gonna start the star wars movies tonight. growing up my whole family has loved star wars we all have literally grown up on it. call us a nerd family if you must, we already now we are. so hope you all enjoy your star wars day!