ready to blog about it

disclaimer: this is something i have been keeping to myself for a long time. i have have been a little scared to share this with the world. partly because this is a really personal topic between us. i ask that you just support us in this and support me in this post. this was really hard for me to click publish. thanks loves! xoxo

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since starting this whole insanity program, i have been thinking about how this is pretty good distraction for me. from the whole getting pregnant thing. this is something i have only really talked about to a select few family members and friends. 

i have longed for a baby for a really long time {long for me}. about a year but, we didn't really start trying until end of last year. i say that because before it was just something we weren't preventing, ya know. towards the end of last year i went to the doctor to get checked out. she said everything looks good and to come back if nothing happens in the next 6-8 months. i felt relieved. since then i have had a few "ohh is this it" moments. my monthly's have been a little weird the last 2 months. which caused me to think "ohh is this it?" but, nope.

i think i have been so focused on it for months. wanting it to happen so bad. that i kind of make myself crazy. when people ask "when are you having a baby?" i get sad but, its not their fault. they have NO idea what i am thinking or feeling. i see babies at the store i ache for my own, or i see a pregnant girl and i long to be in her shoes. 

this is something i have struggled with for a while. trying to not being "jealous" or "envious" of those ladies. then amanda posted this post on wens and i realized being envious is something we all face and go through but, it's not healthy. i know my time will come and i will love it. during this whole part of my life i have learned that when i am at my low, i am not alone. i have dan, family, friends and my loving heavenly father there to comfort me. dan has really been there for me, and we have grown together as a couple. i feel so blessed to have him in my life. i love you babes!

i have really put my trust in my heavenly father. i know that we will be blessed with the blessing of being parents someday. it's still not easy but, with this new insanity program. i am spending more time focusing on being healthy and less time on how i can get pregnant fastest or worrying if i cannot get pregnant.

with all this said, i know there are couples who have been trying for years and have really gone through struggles. i feel for them, i wish them all the best and wish them a child of their own someday. 

man, this was really hard to write. it feels so good to finally get some of my thoughts into words. if any of you have any advice for us or if you want to just pray for us. we will return the favor. 

thank you to all you readers for being so understanding and loving this little blog of ours. we love you all! 
xoxo