ready to blog about it

disclaimer: this is something i have been keeping to myself for a long time. i have have been a little scared to share this with the world. partly because this is a really personal topic between us. i ask that you just support us in this and support me in this post. this was really hard for me to click publish. thanks loves! xoxo

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since starting this whole insanity program, i have been thinking about how this is pretty good distraction for me. from the whole getting pregnant thing. this is something i have only really talked about to a select few family members and friends. 

i have longed for a baby for a really long time {long for me}. about a year but, we didn't really start trying until end of last year. i say that because before it was just something we weren't preventing, ya know. towards the end of last year i went to the doctor to get checked out. she said everything looks good and to come back if nothing happens in the next 6-8 months. i felt relieved. since then i have had a few "ohh is this it" moments. my monthly's have been a little weird the last 2 months. which caused me to think "ohh is this it?" but, nope.

i think i have been so focused on it for months. wanting it to happen so bad. that i kind of make myself crazy. when people ask "when are you having a baby?" i get sad but, its not their fault. they have NO idea what i am thinking or feeling. i see babies at the store i ache for my own, or i see a pregnant girl and i long to be in her shoes. 

this is something i have struggled with for a while. trying to not being "jealous" or "envious" of those ladies. then amanda posted this post on wens and i realized being envious is something we all face and go through but, it's not healthy. i know my time will come and i will love it. during this whole part of my life i have learned that when i am at my low, i am not alone. i have dan, family, friends and my loving heavenly father there to comfort me. dan has really been there for me, and we have grown together as a couple. i feel so blessed to have him in my life. i love you babes!

i have really put my trust in my heavenly father. i know that we will be blessed with the blessing of being parents someday. it's still not easy but, with this new insanity program. i am spending more time focusing on being healthy and less time on how i can get pregnant fastest or worrying if i cannot get pregnant.

with all this said, i know there are couples who have been trying for years and have really gone through struggles. i feel for them, i wish them all the best and wish them a child of their own someday. 

man, this was really hard to write. it feels so good to finally get some of my thoughts into words. if any of you have any advice for us or if you want to just pray for us. we will return the favor. 

thank you to all you readers for being so understanding and loving this little blog of ours. we love you all! 
xoxo

my thoughts on future little ones

***EDIT: I am overwhelmed with the response from this post. I appreciate all your love and support. You are all so amazing. Thank you for all your sweet words. This was a hard post for me to write and I am amazed by the response. I wrote this for me. For me to finally put my thoughts in to words. All of your sweet words are just a bonus. You have made me feel oh so loved. Thank you! <3***




ok so i guess im all about the deep posts these days. here is another post about something i have been thinking about A LOT lately. 


i am sure i am not alone in noticing the amount of ladies who are preggers these days. there must be something in the water everywhere. ok, so as much as i honestly am happy for everyone who is pregnant. i can't help but be a little sad too. for the past month or two i have been so baby hungry. i am not really sure how to explain what im feeling but, i honestly feel like i am suppose/ready to be a mom. trust me i know it will be hard work, and its not all easy. so please, spare me the comments about how hard being a parent is. 


a few weeks ago we had general conference . the very first two talks were on children. no joke, it was actually pretty funny. i kept laughing and looking at dan. he kept telling me to stop. haha. anyways, as i listened to the talks all of them seemed to be about children and what we are suppose to teach them. it got me thinking about what kind of mom i want to be. which lead to think about how i want to be a mom so bad. 


we by no means trying to have a baby right now. dont get all excited. i know we have a lot we need to do in order to really be ready for this next step. with that said, i honestly believe that there is no RIGHT time for anyone to have a baby. it's not on our time it's on his time. him being God. only he really knows the right time. we can come up with all the excuses we want about why it's not the right time. when really, they are all crap. 


i love this quote from this last conference. 


"The creation of life is a great responsibility for a married couple. It is the challenge of mortality to be a worthy and responsible parent. Neither man nor woman can bear children alone. It was meant that children have two parents—both a father and a mother. No other pattern or process can replace this one." - Boyd K. Packer


with all this said, i know that it will happen for us when it's suppose to. i also know i can't be jealous or sad when i hear of someone i know who is pregnant. i need to be happy for them and understand that my time will come.  i will be a mom, someday. i will be able to love, teach, guide and cuddle my own little one someday. 


along with my desire to be a mom, comes alot of worried feelings. i worry people will judge me. worried they think i am too young or immature to be a mother to a child. i worry that people will be mean about this. i know that nobody's feelings really matter. having a child is decision that is between my hubby, God and i. nobody else's feelings matter. so, everyone who is reading this i hope you understand that and i hope that you can just support us when the time comes. 


when the time comes for us to add one more to our little family, i will embrace it with all my heart and cherish it. until then i need to remember to cherish these times i have with dan. as a young married couple i should be grateful for all the time we have together and for life we have. 


i cannot wait to have my own little. when the time is right. thank you for taking the time to read this and know i love each and everyone of you readers! xoxox

just a baby craving.

Hi, my name is Eryka and I have a problem. You see I love to look at baby things online. GASP! I know. Sometimes it craves my baby hunger and sometimes not so much. 

In this case, these adorable little clothes from zara.com have not helped me in the "I WANT A BABY" moment. "Someday, Eryka. Someday, Eryka you will have little one!" {ignore that. just talking to myself} haha.

 {Seriously, are these not the cutest. EVER?! Well, they are. That sweater with the elbow patches is adorable and let's talk about those little baby boy jeans. I die! && the flannel...I love! I used to think baby boy clothes weren't as cute...boy I was wrong!} 

{Those coral skinnies are the cutest thing I have ever seen. Well, next to those baby oxfords and that gingham dress. I sure hope I have a little girl of my own someday. So she can wear pretty little dresses and shoes. I love it!}

Did you guys die of the cuteness? I did. Yep. Well, obvi not caused I am still here! haha!

 Even though I am eagerly looking forward to the day when we have a little one to hold, kiss, dress, snuggle, and love. I will continue to cherish these times we have as just hubby and wifey. We are getting close to our 1 year anniversary and I have loved every second of this time in our lives! 

oh baby.

okay, okay i dont have a baby of my own nor am i preggers. but, i couldn't help myself i had to post about this baby line from j.crew. amazing or what?! gosh, now i cant wait even more for the day we have own little one. 

gosh, aren't these precious?! oh baby, i can't wait to dress a little one someday. excuse the baby post, i have just been thinking about babies and being a mom someday. i cannot wait for that someday. :)

yeah two posts in one day. im cool like that. 

xoxox

sometimes...

...you and the hubby drive in around the north salt lake mountains and look at all the HUGE houses and talk about your dream home. 

...grey's anatomy takes over your life. 

...you have yet another baby craving. {curse you baby cravings, its not time yet don't you know that}

...doing your hair seems like an impossible task.

...you miss california. 

...your toenails look nasty and you're in dire need of a pedi. {ahh i know!}

...you make out with your hubby for no reason. yep, he knows he's lucky to have me as a wife. {hahaha}

...spend hours on pintrest.com yes, hours. 


...you realize you need a new hobby.

...you feel like you're rambling on and on. 

mmkayy thats all for today. kthankss. <3