Well Hello hello! It's Bonnie here! Now, I know you're probably slightly confused because you moseyed on over to this blog today expecting to hear a little word from Eryka, and suddenly someone else is writing up all over her blog I know it's crazy, but just go with it, and it'll be worth it, I promise.
I write over at Life of Bon and today Eryka is allowing me to post on her blog because... well... because she's awesome. Just a little about me: I've been married for ten months, and therefore am in the process of learning that, much to my disappointment, everything does not revolve around just me. During the day I teach high school English to ungrateful seventeen year olds who have somehow completely stolen my heart. I'm an avid reader, a hopeless romantic, and a terrible driver. I write mostly about failed attempts to decorate my house, awkward visits to gynecologists, and absurd things that come out of the mouths of the hoodlum students.
Eryka and I met through the blogging world a couple of weeks ago, and let's just say it was love at first blog site. (Bad pun, I know) Now, if you want something that will really blow your mind about me and Eryka, listen to this: We decided we were each going to write a post about the joys of marriage, and AFTER said decision was made, we discovered that we got married on the exact same day! Is your mind officially blown? Because mine is.
This week I had an interesting experience that led me to do some long, deep thinking about this thing called marriage. You see, every year I have an appointment with the ...*ahem*... lady doctor. To make sure all my...*ahem*...lady parts are doing everything they are supposed to do. This week was said...*ahem*... lady doctor appointment.
I always get just a tad nervous before these appointments. And by always I mean the two times in my life that I have ever been. To calm my nerves in the waiting room, I looked for something to read. Well, I'll tell you what, that place was hard up for some reading material so I resorted to the pamphlets on the wall. My choices were "Menopause: What you don't know you don't know," and "The infection question: it's not always yeast." This much I know for sure, whoever is writing the titles of their pamphlets needs to get paid less. I opted for the menopause pamphlet. You see, I always like to be prepared. Sometimes things happens sooner than you'd think, people.
I didn't get far into my riveting read when they called me to the back, demanded to know my weight, and them told me to strip and put on a robe with the opening in the front. They've got a lot of nerve at that place.
The lady doctor came in, and immediately began firing questions. I figure she did it to take my mind off the exam and I'll tell you what, it worked. I was so busy answering her relentless questions that I didn't have a second to think about what else was going on in the room.
"How was the wedding?" "How's teaching?" "Do you want to get pregnant?" "What does your husband do?" "Do the students mistake you for a student at your high school?" "Have you ever gone on an African safari?" I mean it. This lady didn't let up.
Then she asked me, "So how is the marriage going? Everything marital bliss?" I considered briefly telling her that we had already divorced- just to see her squirm- but I decided instead to be a good girl. "Yah, pretty much."
"Yep, that usually lasts about two years." She said with a complete straight face. "Now, I'm going to give you this prescription for a year..."
We finished up and I took my prescription and free birth control and menopause pamphlet and headed on home.
I got to thinking on my drive. About the whole marital bliss thing lasting two years. Here's what bothers me about it. I have gotten that remark, or a similar version of it, probably 100 times since I tied the knot. "Oh, that will soon wear off and before you know it you'll be two people who live together and tolerate each other's bad smells." or "Oh, you're probably just so in love right now, aren't you? It doesn't last forever you know," or "After a few years you won't even be touching each other anymore, trust me."
Its not that I think me and Hubs have a better marriage than everyone else. It's just that... I think everybody should have a better marriage than that.
While my marriage has been a blast and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, it's no cake walk. It's not like we've just been sitting on the couch kissing and eating ice cream. We've had to struggle through things. We don't always see eye to eye. We're both strong willed people. Sometimes we are selfish. Sometimes we say things we don't know are hurtful. Sometimes we just don't even really know how to be married. But every month is easier. Every month is more fun. Because we understand each other more, we know how to treat the other person, we know how to talk to each other. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it seems to me that each year of your marriage should be getting better, not worse.
Then I started thinking. Maybe I'm just being naive and stupid. Maybe the whole marital bliss really is just a passing phase. Then I thought of the marriage besides my own that I know the best. My parents' marriage. Of course, as a child of the marriage, I don't know half of the struggles that went on, the disagreements, the trials, the hurt feelings. What I do know from pure observation is that my dad told my mom she looked pretty at the dinner table, they said their prayers together at night, my mom organized my dad's desk for him, they danced in the kitchen, and they took week long vacations without the kids every year. It sure doesn't seem like a marriage where the bliss ended after two years.
I also know that the two years since my dad passed away have been the most difficult and trying times of my mom's life. I know that she has experienced severe heartache, on a level that the rest of us can't understand. I know that she misses him every day. I have seen her shed countless tears because of his absence. And I'll tell you this much- my mom's not crying because somebody she tolerated and picked up after left earlier than she thought. She's crying because they were right smack in the middle of marital bliss.
I don't know diddly squat about marriage. I'm a freaking amateur over here. But I know this much. Marital bliss isn't supposed to last for two years. It's supposed to last forever.
And that's what I learned today on my trip to the lady doctor.
Thanks, Eryka, for being so gracious to host me on your blog. And to the readers of said blog, I hope I have entertained you enough that you stumble over to lifeofbon. Sometimes I even post weird pictures of my husband giving other men massages. Don't ask.
Bonnie, thank you so much for taking over my blog for the day. I loved your post, you have such a way with words. You are one awesome, lady and I am pretty sure we are meant to be blog bff's. I mean we were married on the SAME DAY! I mean, how random is that. AMAZING! Thanks for swapping blogs today!!! :)
xoxo
~Eryka
